


i won't be silent (and i won't let go)

by bellawritess



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Based on an Ed Sheeran Song, Chess, Coffee, Couch Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance, Snow, Winter, ahhhh that's all there is to it, and it's a ROMANTIC one folks!!!, building a snowman, this is all fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29146011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellawritess/pseuds/bellawritess
Summary: Jack takes another moment to watch. The sunlight rebounds off the ivory snow as it spills through the window, washing them both out, turning Alex’s pale skin fairer and his blond hair closer to white. Maybe in another world, Alex is a Disney prince and Jack is his Flynn Ryder-esque knight in shining armor. The former is easy to picture, though the latter, not so much. Jack would probably be the horse. Nevertheless, Alex looks magical in the radiant morning light.
Relationships: Jack Barakat/Alex Gaskarth
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14





	i won't be silent (and i won't let go)

**Author's Note:**

> it's snowing INSANE amounts right now where i am, and i just. got inspired. though i do owe a small shoutout to [this](https://mukeaf.tumblr.com/post/641832058444988416) [anon](https://mukeaf.tumblr.com/post/641850377534373888) [paige](https://mukeaf.tumblr.com/) got, talking about jalex in the snow. anon you were really onto something there
> 
> this fic takes place on the gaskarth farm and i did do surface level research to make sure these boys wouldnt have to handle almost any farm stuff but if there are any farmers out there (or if you're alex or lisa gaskarth) reading this, sorry if bad information !! this is a fanfiction. i am not a farmer. i don't know what to tell you
> 
> this fic is based on afterglow by ed sheeran, and i would be SO incredibly remiss not to mention [sam's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellingatbabylon/pseuds/yellingatbabylon) incredible [afterglow fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28297140) that she wrote shortly after the song came out. hers is amazing and i HIGHLY recommend it, i cannot recommend it enough (as well as all of her writing and especially all of her jalex guys sam is just incredible. she's just the best)
> 
> fortunately the benevolent sam gave me the go-ahead to also write a fic about afterglow should the fancy strike me and lo and behold it finally has. all it took was like a foot of snow i guess. you know what i DIDN'T do today? figure out what work i have to do for my classes which started today. thriving so far !!! :)
> 
> anyway, the title is of course from afterglow by ed sheeran. enjoy x

It looks like it’s been snowing for hours.

Jack is an early riser against his own wishes; he regularly fails to sleep in past seven, no matter how late he’s gone to bed. This is a relatively new development, and usually it just means Jack is tired, but on rare occasion he opts to be responsible instead and go to bed at midnight. When he’s with Alex, it’s a lot harder; Alex is a night owl, and Jack can’t help but want to stay up with him. Unfortunately, Alex also has the ability to sleep through the sunrise. And Jack does not.

When he wakes, he’s greeted with a foggy gray sky; sitting up, he can see smooth expanses of pristine snow stretching out as far as the eye can can see. Blinking against the brightness, Jack sighs and turns to Alex. Asleep under the blanket, unruly hair in his face, he’s immediately more captivating than the weather. With all the light flooding the room, it should be a miracle that he’s still fast asleep, but Jack knows Alex well enough to know that nothing short of physical assault will wake him before nine.

Jack takes another moment to watch. The sunlight rebounds off the ivory snow as it spills through the window, washing them both out, turning Alex’s pale skin fairer and his blond hair closer to white. Maybe in another world, Alex is a Disney prince and Jack is his Flynn Ryder-esque knight in shining armor. The former is easy to picture, though the latter, not so much. Jack would probably be the horse. Nevertheless, Alex looks magical in the radiant morning light. To wake him and interrupt this tableau would be a crime.

That’s fine with Jack. He presses a kiss into Alex’s hair and then slides out of bed, grabbing his glasses and a hoodie as he goes. 

Coffee has made itself a staple in Jack’s mornings — direct result of the whole waking-up-this-early thing. The first couple of times he’d tried to make coffee in Alex’s coffee machine it had come out awful, but now Jack’s a pro. A seasoned veteran. This coffee machine is his bitch. He sets the coffee brewing and turns at the sound of clacking against the tile.

“Oh, hey,” he greets Peyton, who pads drowsily in and shoves himself right between Jack’s knees. Jack laughs and shuffles away to crouch down. “Morning, buddy. How did you sleep?”

Peyton just sniffs his legs. Jack sits down on the floor, stretching out his legs around the dog, and that seems to have been Peyton’s objective. He slumps down between Jack’s legs and Jack smiles, scratching mindlessly between the dog’s ears until he hears the coffee finish brewing.

“Hey, where’s Baz?” he asks Peyton. Peyton does not acknowledge him. “Alright. I get it. You’re not a snitch. Alex raised you right.”

Again, nothing. Jack kisses Peyton’s head and then stands up. Peyton continues to pretend that Jack does not exist, which suits Jack fine. He’s a lot more chill than Baz; Baz will start to whine if anyone stops petting him for more than three seconds. But Baz, like Alex, is a lazy asshole who’s probably still asleep. They say people look like their pets, but further than that Jack thinks that somehow, incredibly, Alex behaves exactly like a mix of his dogs.

Once Jack has sorted out his own coffee, he treks into the living room, dragging his feet over the carpet. A chill has settled throughout the house, so Jack turns up the heating as he passes the thermostat. They’d expected snow, and had accordingly prepared the farm for it — or _Alex_ had prepared the farm for it while Jack unhelpfully played fetch with Baz — but somehow had neglected to appropriately heat their own living space. Dressed in socks, sweatpants, and a hoodie, Jack isn’t too affected, but his hands are starting to get cold. He sits down on the couch and wraps his palms around the coffee mug, gazing in wonder out the back window.

Snow is swirling around the glass, a blizzard just for Jack’s eyes, snowflakes the size of coins blowing past before being whisked away. The wind makes it look like the snow isn’t falling but hovering, flying, often going up instead of down. Further, the trees at the edge of the property are bowing with the force of the storm. It makes Jack a little worried about the animals, despite Alex’s promises from the night before that they would be totally fine. 

_“It’ll take a lot more than a snowstorm to knock these bad boys down,”_ he’d said, patting a wooden beam in the stables. And Jack believes that, but still. Still. _Still._

He takes a sip of his coffee and puts on a playlist of chill music from his phone. It rarely plays music he knows, but he’s not after familiar music. It’s more about creating a certain vibe. As expected, a song he’s never heard of starts up, gentle acoustic guitar easing in. _Say it’s here where our pieces fall into place…_

It’ll be a little while before Alex wakes up, but Peyton wanders in just then, so Jack pats the couch and invites him up. Coffee, chill music, snow building up outside, and a dog at his his side; the morning isn’t perfect without Alex, but this is probably as close as it gets.

* * *

On his second cup, Alex joins him in the kitchen.

“Good morning,” he yawns, wrapping himself around Jack before Jack has a chance to pour the coffee. Jack chuckles and hugs Alex back.

“Good morning, prince Alex,” he says. Alex makes a confused noise which Jack ignores. “You want coffee?”

“Please, yes.”

“Then you gotta let me go.”

With an almighty sigh, Alex releases Jack, though he kisses him quickly on the lips before stepping away. Jack smiles and sets about making two cups of coffee instead of one.

“How long you been up?”

“Guess,” Jack says dryly, making Alex laugh. “Did you see the snow, though?”

“How could I possibly miss it?” Alex says. Childlike glee bleeds through his voice. “We’re making a snowman.”

“What, you want to go _outside?_ ”

“Of course I do! There’s, like, at least six inches by now. Totally enough for a snowman.”

“But,” Jack says placatingly, “it’s cold out.”

“Yes,” says Alex. “That’s why jackets and gloves and hats.” He shakes his head, reaching up to tug at Jack’s hair. “You’re too L.A., Jack. It’s brainwashing you. You used to love snow.”

“I still love snow,” Jack says defensively. “I just also like being warm and cozy.”

“Jack.” Alex pouts. Jack turns away and focuses on stirring the milk into Alex’s coffee, but unfortunately Alex’s puppy-dog eyes have power over his tone. “Please? Please please please? It’ll be so much fun. We never get to do fun snow things.”

Shivering in the snow to make Alex happy versus staying inside like a grinch and being responsible for Alex’s misery. Tough call, really. “Okay,” Jack says. “Later, okay. When it’s not nine in the morning.”

“You’ll see,” Alex says loftily. “You’re gonna remember how much fun snowmen are. Just wait. You’ll be begging to stay outside.”

Jack rolls his eyes. “I don’t hate snow, Alex. I’m not anti-snow activities. I’m just extremely pro-staying inside.”

“Well, I am pro-both,” Alex says. Jack finishes making their coffee and hands Alex’s to him, which Alex accepts with a grateful smile. “And I am also pro-coffee. So this morning is going wonderfully for me so far. Wanna play a game?”

Jack smiles. He really can’t help it, not with Alex this chipper and adorable. “Yeah, maybe. Unless you’re just gonna slam me in Scrabble again.”

“No Scrabble,” Alex says, giggling at the memory. “Chess?”

“Chess? I haven’t played chess in forever.”

“Yeah, and you haven’t made a snowman in forever either,” Alex says.

That’s true. “Alright,” Jack says. “I’m down for chess.”

They meander towards the living room again, this time making themselves comfortable on the carpet. The snowstorm has calmed down, and now it looks like a true snowfall. Alex snags coasters off the coffee table, mostly for a flat surface on which to put their mugs, then pulls out a chess set from underneath the TV. “You know when I was a kid, my dad told me that every time I beat him in chess, he’d give me a hundred dollars.”

“What?” Jack says incredulously.

“Yeah, I know, right? I wonder if he’d still do it,” Alex says thoughtfully. “I only ever beat him twice.”

“And? Did he give you the money?”

“Yeah, I think he put it in my bank account or something,” Alex says. “Like that’s where I wanted a hundred dollars to be when I was sixteen. 

“Stone cold,” Jack says, grinning. “I’m not giving you a hundred dollars if you beat me, for the record.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to,” Alex says. “It’s just funny. That’s, like, my main association with chess.”

“Must be nice,” Jack says airily. “My main association with chess is the scene from _Sorcerer’s Stone._ ”

Alex hums in silent approval. They finish setting out their pieces, so Alex, who’s playing white, moves first, and the game starts.

Neither of them have any strategy whatsoever. The first couple of minutes breeze by. After that, Alex starts thinking over his moves a lot more, and Jack decides that this is an opportunity. Sure, he could “study the board” or whatever it is professional chess players probably do, but truth be told, he doesn’t give a shit about winning. And he’d much rather study Alex.

Head bowed in concentration, fingers tapping mindlessly against his ankle, the faintest shadow of scruff on his face; nothing about this picture is remarkable, but Jack is absolutely enchanted. The light catches Alex’s hair, and Jack revisits the theory that Alex is a Disney character. Right now he’s definitely Rapunzel, and with the snow softly falling outside it really does feel like they’re underwater, Jack like Flynn Ryder mesmerized by what a little bit of magic has done. It’s not just Alex’s hair that shines, but all of him, every inch. 

Maybe Jack’s a romantic, but God, he loves Alex.

Finally Alex moves a piece. When he looks up his gaze catches Jack’s, and his lips twist into a smile. “You’re gonna lose.”

“I already knew that,” Jack says, content to get lost in Alex’s gaze another moment if Alex will let him. And Alex does, reaching blindly for his coffee with a slowly-growing smile.

“You’re out of your mind,” he tells Jack fondly. “Stop looking at me.”

“You should see yourself,” Jack says. “It’s very hard to stop looking at you.”

Alex shakes his head, surrendering the staring contest to take a sip from his coffee, which is also reflecting the gleaming light from outside. The entire room is full of light, as well any room would be, when occupied by Alex.

“Take your turn,” he says, gesturing at the board with his other hand. Smiling into his mug, he adds, “Sap.”

Jack only grins.

* * *

By the time they make it outside, the snow has stopped falling. It’s blindingly bright out. Alex instructs Jack to get started on their snowman while he goes to switch out the chickens’ water, which Jack dutifully sets to doing. 

“Looks good,” says Alex when he returns. 

“It’s a gigantic ball of snow,” Jack replies. “It’s not the hardest thing in the world.”

“I’m doing positive reinforcement, you ass,” Alex says, kicking snow at Jack. Jack scoffs and kicks some snow back.

“I don’t think you can call it positive reinforcement if you call me a name.”

“But it’s a loving name,” Alex says, throwing his arms around Jack’s neck and kissing his cheek. “Said with love.”

“Still called me an ass, though.”

“Out of _love._ ”

“Make yourself useful,” Jack says, pointing at the snow. “Make the middle body thing and I’ll make the head.”

Alex smiles and obediently detaches himself from Jack to get to work.

Jack expects Alex to sneak-attack him with a snowball, but to his immense shock, they get through the entire process of building the snowman without incident. Alex even has a carrot that they stick in for the nose, though they use coffee beans for the eyes and mouth since neither of them really know what the traditional material is supposed to be. Alex locates two mismatched sticks to use as arms and Jack pulls off his winter hat to place it atop the snowman’s head, at which point Alex proclaims their snowman officially done.

“I love them,” Jack says. “What’s their name?”

“You name them,” Alex says. “Consolation prize since I beat you in chess.”

“Fine,” Jack says. “Snow-bi Wan.”

Alex bursts out laughing. “That’s perfect.”

“Snow-bi Wan Ke-snow-bi,” Jack continues, giggling. “It’s perfect! He looks like a Snow-bi Wan.”

“He does, he does,” Alex agrees as his laughter slows. “Oh, man. I love you, Jack. So much.”

“I know,” Jack says. This sends Alex back into hysterics, and when Jack realizes why, he also starts laughing. 

“Oh my God, _stop,_ you’re gonna give him an identity crisis!” Alex leans his forehead against Jack’s shoulder. His whole body shakes when he laughs. “This is the best snowman I’ve ever made in my life.”

“You only made half of it,” Jack points out. “Barely even. Forty percent. Thirty-five.”

“I own the property,” Alex counters. “Which bumps me back up to fifty.”

Jack acquiesces. “Fine. What should we do with Snow-bi Wan? Snow-bi Wan Ke-snow-bi?”

“Pose with him,” Alex says. “Your son. Let me take a picture of you and your son.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s our son,” Jack says. “Just based on division of labor.”

“Okay, let me take a picture of you and _our_ son,” Alex insists, like Jack hasn’t already moved to stand next to the snowman. Snow-bi Wan only just comes up to Jack’s stomach, so Jack has to kneel in the snow. Icy cold seeps through his jeans, but whatever.

He throws up a peace sign and gives Snow-bi Wan bunny ears for good measure. Then he delicately kisses Snow-bi Wan’s cheek, which gives him very cold lips. “Wait, Al, come kiss his other cheek and take a selfie.”

They spend far too much time taking ridiculous pictures with and of Snow-bi Wan, but eventually they run out of dumb faces to make and Jack is starting to feel very cold from his wet jeans. 

“Goodnight, Snow-bi Wan Ke-snow-bi,” Alex says solemnly, pulling away Jack’s hat to pat the snowman on the head. “Protect us from evil while we’re not here.”

“Defend the territory,” Jack commands, nodding along. 

“Should we give him a lightsaber?”

“He doesn’t need a lightsaber,” Jack says. “He has the Force.”

Alex would probably argue further in favor of the lightsaber case, but they’ve both lost feeling in their fingers, so he just concedes and links his arm around Jack’s. “True. Okay, onward. Back inside. Warmth. Hot showers. Dinner.”

There’s warmth out here, despite the frigid air, in Alex’s pink-cheeked smile and the unimaginable depths of his sparkling brown eyes. Jack could lose himself in this moment forever, caught in Alex’s gaze until he froze like a snowman himself. A snowboy. 

But he could also do that inside, and he kind of enjoys not being a block of ice, so when Alex leads them back to the house, Jack follows.

* * *

Steam-filled showers and hot meals are good, but, Jack thinks, this is better. They’ve washed the dishes and now there’s nothing left to do but relax. Jack had glimpsed the sky just after the sunset as he’d gotten out of the shower, and it had stopped him in his tracks, something awestruck blossoming in his chest at the faded pink and yellow. The feeling has stuck with him, and now, with Alex curled up against his side, book open on his own knees, it’s stronger than ever.

It’s love, all love, everything love. It couldn’t possibly be anything else.

“Hey, I heard a song today I think you’d like,” Jack says, drumming against Alex’s stomach. “Something dreaming. Iron & Wine. Uh, ‘Call It Dreaming,’ it was called.”

“How did you come across an Iron & Wine song?” Alex asks, closing his book. He never bookmarks them, insisting he’ll remember the page number, and then inevitably forgets the page number. Jack has stopped questioning his methods. 

“Just some playlist,” says Jack. “I have a whole double life before you wake up.”

“Clearly.” Alex angles his head and brushes a kiss to Jack’s jaw. “Okay, I’ll listen to it later.”

Unless Jack texts him the name, he’ll forget, but Jack will remember to text him the name.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your reading,” Jack says. “You can go back to it.”

“No, no, I was done with the chapter.”

“Today was fun,” Jack says, smiling down at Alex. “You were right. Building the snowman was fun.”

“I know,” Alex says with a cheeky smile. Jack reaches across Alex’s middle to link his right hand with Alex’s left, bringing them to his lips to kiss Alex’s knuckles. “Tomorrow we should probably do farm stuff.”

“You should,” Jack says. “I’ll keep the dogs occupied.” He points his free hand across the room, where Peyton and Baz are curled up, chilling if not asleep. Per tradition, neither of them acknowledge him at all. “My homies. My boys.”

“You’re such a city boy,” Alex says. “You need some good old-fashioned physical labor.”

“Uh, no thank you. I _am_ a city boy.”

Alex yawns. “For now.”

“You can take the boy out of the city,” Jack starts. Alex chuckles. “But the city will never leave the boy.”

“Uh-huh. If you say so, babe.”

The thing is, Jack _is_ a city boy. He loves living in L.A., for all its faults, and he wouldn’t give it up easily. It would take something very rare and valuable to compel Jack to relocate.

But.

“Agree to disagree,” Jack says quietly, squeezing Alex to him. Alex kisses the inside of Jack’s elbow and then shifts, turning to meet Jack’s lips with his own. 

But in moments like these, Jack just wants to hold on tighter and never let go.

“Okay,” Alex murmurs. “I love you anyway.”

If Jack is looking for rare and valuable, he’s already found it.

“Love you more,” he says, because the way this warmth in his chest has ignited a blazing fire, it has to be true. 

Alex smiles softly and closes his eyes, resting his head on Jack’s chest, and as time melts into a hazy blur of nothing, Jack holds on as tight as he can.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for joining me on this snowy adventure i am on tumblr [@clumsyclifford](http://clumsyclifford.tumblr.com/) if you wanna come say hi !!


End file.
